ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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