I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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