well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
