we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
