I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
