i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
