I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
