Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
