Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
