I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
