Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
