I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
