The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
