I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
