Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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