Moan for me like Helen Keller
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
as a side note pls kill me
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
