Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
