If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
