Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
