marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
