You were right. It hurts to walk today.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
