So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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