just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
