My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
