just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
