Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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