I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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