I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
high people should be assigned attendants
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
