So drunk its hurt
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Randomize
