walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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