He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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