So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
