omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
