so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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