Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
