so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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