I bet he comes in French.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
