We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize
