so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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