Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
