Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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