i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
