every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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