if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
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