the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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