But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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