im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
