Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
