Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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