he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
