There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
