i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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