Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
