did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
